Like most experts, your gals had lukewarm feelings about this year's Oscars. In what we assume was an attempt at revamping the iconic awards ceremony, the Academy gave us an exuberant (read: enthusiastic to the point of Glee's Rachel Berry) Anne and a possibly stoned (and yet still impossibly sexy) James for co-hosts in lieu of old favorites Billy or Steve and Alec and an audience of relative A-List newbies (Natalie, Mila, Haillee, and Michelle) where attendee staples (Clooney, Ange and Brad, and a sunglass-wearing Jack Nicholson) were inexplicably missing.
Now your gals are always up for trying something different, and so we had very high hopes for Sunday night's star-studded showing...which began to plummet about 2 minutes into the red carpet coverage when we saw Guiliana Rancic in an overly-designed Christian Siriano confection that left us jonesing for mint chocolate chip ice cream and a new dress for the E! reporter. Could this be a sign of what was to come? The answer, sadly, was yes. By the end of the three-hour affair, we came to the conclusion that unfortunately, a new hosting approach and guest list do not always equal innovation or, er, success - on the TV screen or the red carpet.
Read on for whose forays into Oscar fashion made our "most likely to"/"best of" list (best of what, exactly, is where the discussion begins).
Best "BORE ME TO TEARS" Palm Beach Retiree Look - Nicole Kidman
In a shocking turn of events, Nicole Kidman landed on our 'whaddup with dat?' red-carpet review list. This snooze-fest of a dress felt very “Palm Beach” – old, glitzy and outdated - and could have possibly doubled as an embroidered cocktail napkin that your grandma keeps around her Boca Raton digs (and is still trying to get rid of). While we applaud her efforts at trying to liven things up with a pop of color (read: those red peep-toes) and some serious neck bling, the two pieces unfortunately took a not-so-great-gown into what-were-you-thinking-with-this-look territory. This Aussie not only gets an F in execution, but an F for effort as well. You know you're going to the ACADEMY AWARDS, gal, so get your stylist up to speed (or, perhaps, exchange her for a new model).
Look Most Likely To Have People Questioning Your Age (and Ryan Seacrest's Sexuality) - Melissa Leo
We love the fact that this dame has been twerkin' her tush off for the past few decades in everything from “All My Children” to such under-the-radar hits as “Deadtime Stories" (imdb her for a crash course in supporting role longevity), and we couldn't be happier that Leo was finally recognized for her talent via a flawless performance in The Fighter. Not so flawless? This lacy, marm-y look that added years to our beloved (albeit cuckoo bananas) Leo. A good rule of thumb when getting dressed for the Academy Awards (or any event, really) is that when you can describe your gown using the phrase "House of Mirrors" (as the Oscar winner did on the red carpet) or can imagine Ryan Seacrest saying, "I can see myself in that dress" (which the entertainment reporter did - yikes!) it's probably time to rethink your choice in apparel.
Best Breaking Back Into the Biz Look - Celine Dion
Dare we say it, but Leo should have taken a lesson on “how to do white for a woman of a certain age” from Miss Dion. We don’t know where she's been or what she’s on, but we’ll take two please. Dame looks great.
Best Overall Ability to Twerk It - Cate Blanchett
Let’s make something clear: it’s quite possible that on anyone else, we’d have spotted this easter egg-inspired frock and labeled it with a big ol' a SBW. But with CB’s fierce 'do, makeup, and general amazingness, we're giving this look two very enthusiastic thumbs up and a gr2s stamp of approval. Blanchett knows her fashion and how to rock it on the red carpet like Charlie Sheen knows his prostitute rolodex - which is to say, incredibly well.
Best of the New Brigade - Jennifer Lawrence
J. Lawrence just put herself on Hollywood's A-List and your gals' best-dressed list with this red Calvin Klein Collection number. In what we consider to be a very Jen Aniston move, the Best Actress Oscar nominee chose (wisely) to wear a simple silhouette that was somehow both va-va voom zexy and age-appropriate with black-tie beach babe hair and makeup. We love that she favored a body-skimming sheath over the young Hollywood go-to 'I’m–wearing-a–big-ass-dress-with-a –train-please-so-take-me-seriously' look (favored by one Miss Lea Michele). We expect to see more Oscar-worthy style gold from this gal.
Dress Most Likely to Be Confused for an Oscar - But In a Good Way! - Gwyneth Paltrow
Thanks to Gwynnie for stunning us in this Calvin Klein metallic column. While we may have voted for one less round in the Mystic Tan booth, we thought Paltrow hit a home run by going super modern in this shiny floor-length dress, reminiscent of our friend Oscar himself.
Best Victor Victoria Moment - Anne Hathaway
She may have been over-the-top (and maybe even annoyingly campy) in her attempts to liven the mood/make up for Franco's semi-comatose (but again - still sexy) hosting , but ya can't say A. Hath didn't look great (minus one very Renaissance hairpiece she rocked with that custom Vivienne Westwood Couture gown). Pregnant Rachel Zoe turned.it.out. for her client, and in three hours, Annie continued to "shut it down" look after look. One of our top favorites? This Lanvin tux with custom Swarovski crystal-encrusted Brian Atwood pumps that proved it is possible to keep things ultra-femme and super zexy in menswear-inspired pieces when they're perfectly tailored and accessorized brilliantly with a great shoe (and not, it's worth mentioning, a ridiculously lowered rendition of 'On My Own'. Just sayin').
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